Uncreative Title

May 15, 2011

Beach beach beach beach beach beach. Early wake up time, headed out to the dock. We nearly missed our freaking hydrofoil hydrozoomer hydro-2013 because one taxi went to the wrong dock (how weird is that, docks and all that jazz). However, we managed to board intact, and Anh was the nicest person ever because she brought us a cheese wheel and a bunch of bananas (remember this subject/adjective grouping for later compare/contrast). After a pretty sweet ride on a pretty sweet boat, we arrived at Vung Tau. My word. It was the epitome of exotic resort town. It was beautiful, captivating, enchanthing, fascinating, gorgeous, handsome, inviting, lovely, mesmerizing, stunning, and tantalizing. Source: thesaurus.com. Yet, for all intents and purposes, Tin was out to torture us today. Proof of this will emerge with time. We did not immediately go straight to the water. After an hour and a half boat ride, with the whole group (minus Tin apparently) was ready and raring to stretch those thighs and see the sights. In due order, our first stop is… some bar. “So you can relax” says Tin. TINNNN! Get this show moving! We then went to a parking lot to see a rather large statue of the Virgin Mary, depicted as an apparent body builder as she was all “nbd” holding a standing Baby Jesus on her palm, her arm practically fully extended. Okay Mary, okay, good deal. Next stop was a pagoda of (what I took as) undetermined denomination, as it appeared Buddhist or Confucian, but had large statues of Hindu gods. I don’t know. At any rate, I prayed with incense for the return of my wallet. I would have bought a little birdie to set free and make a wish come true, but I didn’t have any money… I feel as though that state of being earns you a free wish bird. Our next stop was the beach not. Instead, in the ungodly heat, humidity, and sun, Tin decides to take the white people out and WALK THEM. Up many stairs. At the top was a not Baby Jesus (which personally makes it a less awesome statue, but that may just be me), looking large and in charge with his palms outstretched. After a quick sweat up the hill, we found Jesus. He was quite lovely. The Vietnamese claim it’s the highest Jesus statue in the world, although that’s hard to believe because the Brazilians have a pretty epic hill Jesus statue in Rio de Janeiro. Just saying. There was also an old howitzer next to Jesus (he was apparently drafter way back when) which I summarily mounted and became king of. Then we went back down the hill, which always sucks worse than coming up for some reason. Then we went to a restaurant next door. BEACH TIN, BEACH! The reason I did not kill someone was two-fold: the girl putting ice in glasses was incredibly cute, and the shrimp was amazing. I mean, it was, ah. Spectacular. I ate a good plate and a half of those bad boys by myself. Garlic lemon lime cream sauce for the win. I had a fish head too. The eye was chewy. Bones are obnoxious. FINALLY THE BEACH ARRIVED. No sun screen for this guy! Changed up, shirt off, straight in the water. Salt. Bleh. It was like salty bath water. I’m sure I’ve used liquid of similar composition to rinse my sinuses. I quick dive underwater confirmed that, indeed, the sea was a great nasal wash. People slowly began to complain of burning and/or stinging sensations, and I thought they were being big babies. “Something touched my leg!” “My back is burning!” “I’m bleeding!” That last one is bull, nobody started bleeding. Eventually people began to be fed up with the stinging, blaming jellyfish and infamous hornet fish that don’t exist. During our slow walk out of the ocean, I got jabbed by something hardcore on the inside of the bicep. I still have a really clear bite/sting mark from the encounter of marine type. Then came the games… Tin walks up, a devilish gaze upon him. Anh divides us into teams. Tin gets the bags of bananas. He puts us on lines drawn in the sand, gives one side bananas. He says, “You put it between your legs, and…” Woah woah woah Tin. You can’t just make fools of the white people. And yet, we played… Worst game ever. So wrong in so many ways. Another game involved a group hug session on a tiny piece of paper. Another one eventually led several of us to hold ocean water in our mouths. In all honesty, they hate us. There’s no other explanation for this horrible series of games. What kind of sick twisted mind comes with these kinds of things? After the games came the trek home, after which I am fairly certain I crashed, burned, died, and fell asleep. At the very least I slept the entire hour and a half on the boat ride back. After that, who knows.